Tag Archives: pregnancy

0

A Day in the Life of Arlo (15 Months)…..

|

IMG_0944

4.30 am
I can hear the birds, Mummy calls them the bloody birds? Hope they aren’t hurt. Must be time to get up. I’m going to use this time to experiment with my voice and make lots of weird and unusual noises.

5.30 am
Finally Mummy comes in. I know she’s been trying to ignore me for as long as possible, but the banging my fists on the cot really loudly always gets her attention. She picks me up and tells me i’m a “stinky boy”. Well Mum, if you’d been sitting in your own poo for at least an hour you would be stinky too.

5.45 am
mmmmmm milk in bed. But there’s nothing really coming out of these saggy sack things anymore? Not like the good old days.

6.30 am
Right, I have 20 mins to roam free around the room whilst Mummy puts that stuff on her face. I like to start by taking all my nappies out of the draw, then emptying my clothes from the cupboard, then finishing off by hiding things around the room for Mum to find at a later date. Once I’m done, I like to go and sit really close to Mummy whilst she tries to distract me with these black wands (?). Stop palming me off Mum, you know what I want. That little fluffy brush that makes your face go orange. When she’s not looking I like to use it to tickle the part of my body that Mummy calls “my bits”…..she really doesn’t like that. Should’ve put my nappy back on huh?! Hmm, she looks all flustered. I wonder if she realises she has only drawn one eye brow on again today?

7.00 am
Downstairs for breakfast. Same sh*t, different day. You really need to mix things up Mum. And no, using Thomas The Tank on the Ipad will not make the Banana Wheetabix any more appetising than yesterday. GIVE ME THE COCO POPS.

IMG_0893

7.30 am
Breakfast done. Why do I have to go in the sink after every meal time? Oh well, great opportunity to investigate everything on the draining board. Why does Mummy go pale when I grab the long sharp silver thing? Just wanted to touch it.

IMG_0566

7.45 am
Play time in living room. Good time to play one of our favourite games. I take all of the wet wipes out of the packet, then Mummy puts them all back in again. She then hides the packet, I find them and take them out again. We keep playing this over and over, she loves it.

8.00 am
Oh no, the other one’s going. Please don’t leave me with Mumma all day.

8.30 am
Pretty sure we are getting ready to leave the house. OMG I’m so excited. If I bang on the front door it really hurries things along. Also discovered that If I throw this minty bristle thing in the toilet, I don’t have to do whatever Mumma wants me to do with it. Saves time. I’ve picked out my outfit, Mum helped. It’s always good exercise playing the chasing game around the living room whilst she dresses me. Sometimes we play the “shhh dont tell Dadda game” and she styles my hair and puts little clips in it to see what I would look like as a girl. Right, all ready to go, must just go “one last time” before we leave the house. It’s a big one. Oh, why has Mummy given me a change of outfit?

8.45 am
Right, into that huge machine that I seem to spend half my life in. Space Ship?? She’s put a mirror on the seat in front so I can look at myself. Heeeeey Good Looking!!  Mum, stop playing that lullaby music so loud with the windows open, people are looking at us and it’s definitely not going to help me sleee…………zzzzzzzzzzzzz

9.30 am
Oh time to wake up! We are at that place again where Mum comes out looking all hot and sweaty. Sweet I get to hang out with my mates for an hour. Oh lord, I want the ground to open up and swallow me, my mate has turned up in the same T-Shirt as me. HOW EMBARRASSING!! Why on earth is Mummy taking photos of us and saying “awwww” This is so humiliating. On the plus side, I get to mind sweep the other kids food at snack time. Mum keeps sending me in with this healthy cr*p that taste like cardboard. Whatsits are way more me.

11.00 am
Off to the park again it seems. Hope there’s a slide………….

IMG_0936
Oh no, it’s that girl that Mummy calls “my girlfriend” and always makes us kiss. In fact, she calls every one of my girl mates my girlfriend or future wife. I’m not a pimp Mum. Please don’t make me kiss her again, she always has her mouth wide open……actually no that’s me. Need practice.

IMG_0535

12.00 pm
Picnic time. I like to eat my lunch whilst running around, just to maximise time you know. Mum knows this so why does she always make me try and sit down “nicely on the matt”. I’M SO BORED.

Why is mum so cross? I was only trying to paint you a lovely picture on your white top with the red berries you keep trying to shove in my mouth. I’ve heard you say a million times you want me to be creative. Oh well, just give her one of my smiles and a cute giggle and she forgives me for anything. Haha sucker!

Oh a little sing-song, how lovely. Lets make Mummy feel better by smiling at her and clapping. I wont tell her that she’s never going to make the X-factor. Argh she keeps clapping back at me, so then I have to carry on clapping, then she claps more, more clapping from me…it’s never ending this clapping malarkey.

2.15 pm
Glad I’ve managed to figure out how to use these stump things attached to my body, so much more independence these days. Right, now I want to investigate the kids attached to the seats that go into the sky. Mumma calls them Weeeeees?? Wow that made Mum run fast.

2.30 pm
I’m having so much fun. Found a stick that’s good for bashing. I want to keep it forever. Mummy doesn’t seem to be enjoying herself anymore? She is saying to her friend “when he gets tired, he gets naughty”. That’s not true, I’m just amusing myself so you can chat to your mates. Plus I’m not tired AT ALL………

IMG_0920

3.00 pm
Oopse think I must have drifted off again in that big space ship again. But looks like we are back home now. I’m going to pretend I’m still asleep, Mum likes to look at me like that, sometimes take a photo. In fact, she takes A LOT of photos. Been telling her for ages I need my own Instagram account.  I can tell now she is psyching her self up for what she likes to call “the transfer”. From the space ship to my cot, all the time saying shhhhhhh in my ear as if that’s going to keep me asleep. She’s left my shoes on, my clothes on and hasn’t even bothered to change my nappy. LAZY. Oh and it’s that stupid sheep thing again, Ewrin? Euan? Eagor? It sounds like an aeroplane……this is never going to work……….zzzzzzz

IMG_9925

4.00 pm
IM AWAKE!!!! IM AWAKE!!!! LETS MAKE SH*T HAPPEN!!

Mum’s playing with food again. She keeps trying to distract me with different toys and making weird animal noises. Thank god we are at home as she sounds ridiculous. She finally gives in and passes me her other baby that she always carries with her. There’s this man that sometimes talks to me if I do a certain thing to it. Mum calls him Syree. Is Syree my Daddy?

4.30 pm
Bored of Syree now, time to investigate the cupboards……she really needs to put child locks on these. But wait, what is that weird fluffy thing following me around the kitchen, how did she get in here? It’s kind of like a human but smaller. I think they call it a Woof? or a Woof Woof? Mumma often tells me that it’s the only little sister i’ll ever have. Ah bonus, as now I get some little treats put out for me in a bowl on the floor. Taste like sh*t but I like to give them a go anyway. However, back to the Woof. I’ve never quite understood that long waggly thing hanging off her body, I really want to pull it……oppose that made Mumma moved really fast again.

5.00 pm
Dinner time….she seems to have spent a long time on this. Is that why she gets cross when I try to blow raspberries and and refuse to eat it when she tries to feed it to me? Silly aeroplane noise, that’s never going to work Mum. You just need to let me do it myself, I know what I’m doing, I’m 15 months old now for gods sake. Plus this awesome little plastic thing make a greeeaaat Catapult. And the round thing with the food in a great Frisbee. Feel like I’ve done some of my best work this evening. I like to finish off with that award-winning smile again and Mum is putty in my hands.

5.30 pm
Oh thank god, the fun person is back.

IMG_0946

6.30 pm
Bath time. Mumma and Dadda have spent a long time teaching me to splash. But now I’ve finally got it, why do they get cross when I give them my greatest splashing rendition yet. I just don’t get it. Ooooo look at those pretty little bubbles I’ve just made in the bath. Bugger, think I might have just followed through. But look at those lovely little floaty things, I’ve created some new bath toys. Although Mummy is calling Daddy in quite an urgent voice. Maybe she just wants to show him how clever I’ve been.

7.00 pm
Bedtime. I do like to have a little tipple just before bed. If I start crying and pulling one of my ears, I get some of that sweet tasty liquid. Works every time, persistence pays off. Time for the milk. Mumma and Dadda are looking so lovingly at me. I just don’t get it, 5 mins ago they were saying they might try to sell me on Ebay. They must suffer from Bipolar, poor things.

7.30 pm
Well that’s me done for the day. Cant wait for tomorrow. In actual fact I’ll just keep calling out all night long just incase its time to get up and play again. I don’t want to miss out.

I wonder where Mumma put my stick

IMG_1081

2

What sort of Mother you think you’re going to be VS what sort of mother you are….

|

When you are pregnant you have all these ideas about what sort of mother you would like to be. BUT when you have a baby these go out the window! You begin to realise it’s all about survival and keeping your sanity.

I WILL NOT POST A MILLION BABY PHOTOS….

Well, what can I say, within the first couple of hours I hadn’t stuck to this. Even if your baby looks like some kind of scrunched up new-born Chihuahua, you will think he/ she is the most beautiful thing you have ever seen. And you just want to share this with the world…..100 times….a day!! After each photo I post on social media I promise myself that it’s definitely the last one for at least a week. But then you manage to take another banger (best smile so far, best outfit so far, best baby photo EVER), and you have this uncontrollable urge that you MUST share it. After all, it’s the first time he’s had an Ice Cream…..and HE’S ON THE BEACH!!!

IMG_8886

I WILL GO BACK TO SNOWBOARDING/ GYMNASTICS AS SOON AS I CAN EXERCISE……..

Nearly a year on and I’ve snowboarded once and definitely not gone back to adult gymnastics, not even done a handstand yet (actually going to try this right now on the living room floor…) Both sports are high impact so strong pelvic floors are a must! Although I’m mentally ready to get back to both sports, my body certainly doesn’t feel the same anymore. It took me 3 weeks to even be able to walk around the block (on my tip toes??? Seemed easier like that). I guess giving birth takes a lot out of you, even if you do listen to whale music throughout.

I also totally under estimated just how much time and attention a baby needs. To leave a baby, even for a couple of hours (let alone a weeks snowboard trip…to another country….can I do that??), is a complex mission, especially if you are breast feeding a monster child!! So you end up just karting this creature with you everywhere you go. So this does mean you end up sacrificing your whole life/ hobbies/ EVERYTHING. You loose your identitiy as “YOU” and just merge into “Mummy/ Baby”. But I’ve just got to remind myself it’s only for a small amount of time in the grand scheme of things and it’s totally worth it:). Plus adult gymnastics is waaaaaay past my bedtime these days anyway!!!! AND I can live my gymnastic days through Arlo now instead with Baby Gymnastics!! But don’t worry I WILL BE BACK……

I’LL JUST TAKE MY BABY BACKPACKING AROUND THE WORLD WITH ME…..

Yes I’ve managed to take him IN a back pack, but certainly not around the world……yet! I would love to do this, and I know some people manage it, but honestly those first few months were the hardest of my life EVER and a complete blur. I don’t know how I ever thought it would be easy to take a new-born backpacking? It was an achievement to make it to Sainsburys, let alone India!!! I was so sleep deprived I couldn’t even figure out that the remote control didn’t live in the fridge, no hope for navigating around the world. Maybe now the constant crying/ puking/pooing/ feeding stage is over it would be easier? But you also need a willing/ equally ambitious/ silly partner in crime to take with you to help you with the baby…… pleeeeeeeaaaase Rich???? Life education??? Also lots of money. Although I’m sure Arlo would feel “at one” with the Lion cubs in Africa and we would never see him again.

IMG_8987

NO I-PAD/ TV……

I never wanted to create a couch potato, so I wanted to only have the TV on for a “treat” What was I thinking???!!! From day one the TV has pretty much been on in the background anytime I’m at home. I just get so lonely!!! Sometimes I put music on, but the TV really makes it feel like you’re not alone and you have a friend in the room, even if it is Jeremy Kyle!  And it’s not been baby friendly programs either……but equally educational???? If I have to spend a day at home, the running order consists of “Good Morning Britain” (educational on political issues) into “Lorraine” (educational celebrity gossip) into “Jeremy Kyle” (Arlos favourite program, good for learning emotions??! Although I do turn it off when they all argue and hit each other), into “This Morning” and then “Loose Women” (important for him to learn about the female species)…….then a break for lunch before switching to E4 for “How I Met Your Mother” or “The Big Bang Theory”. He doesn’t understand them yet anyway right???

I also really didn’t want him to sit on an I-pad all day everyday. But …….WE ARE GETTING HIM AN I-PAD!!! We want to train him to sit still and actually watch something to give us a break!!!! Also to keep quiet on plane journeys which will be essential for our backpacking around the world!!! (see “TV training” below)

IMG_7790

I ONLY WANT TO HAVE WOODEN TOYS…..

I had all these visions of Arlo’s nursery (which still isn’t even done btw) filled with beautiful wooden toys, and him quietly (haha) playing with them. But the long and short of it is, they just aren’t interested in wooden toys (apart from wooden spoons from the kitchen). They love the bright plastic toys that make lots of hideous noises. And to be honest, no point spending the money on wooden toys anyway as they just puke/ poo on them. Plastic is much easier to clean. Now our living room looks like Toys RUS!!

IMG_8381

I WILL ONLY DRESS HIM IN SECOND HAND CLOTHES….

I really wanted to save lots of money and spend it on what I felt was really important to us, which were experiences and adventures rather than brand new swanky clothes/ material possessions.  After all, they grow so quickly anyway, so what was the point??!
Well let me tell you, sometimes 3am online baby shopping was the only thing that kept me going!! There is something about dressing your baby that is SO FUN!!! Waiting for that little “Zara” package to arrive in the morning. Co coordinating their outfits (we make a game out of it, Arlos going to be the next Gok Wan- don’t tell Rich). And as sad as it seems, this was the most exciting thing going on in my life at some points!! (Arlo modelling his Autumn/ Winter Collection below)

I DON’T WANT TO HAVE A ROUTINE….

I really wanted to be totally free-spirited, not constrained by a baby routine. “Just go with the flow” I thought “make him fit in with our lives”………..oh dear!! I still don’t have a strict routine with him during the daytime, everyday I do different things so he naps/ eats at different times. BUT the bedtime routine, that’s another kettle of fish!! OCD much??! Sleep deprivation is hands down the worse thing about being a mum. Sleep becomes so crucial that if one night they sleep slightly better you want to keep everything EXACTLY the same the next night. Same dinner, same times, same bath/ same bubbles, same toys in bath, same PJs, same soft toys in bed/ in same positions, same temperature in room, say same things/ in same order, sing same songs etc etc!!! And god forbid if anything happens to disrupt the routine!! THE BABY WONT SLEEP

IMG_8900

Then you have the “get out of the house on time” morning routine, and the “eat 3 meals a day” routine…….so before I knew it, our days almost resemble a sort of routine!!!!

I’M NOT GOING TO USE MY I-PHONE IN FRONT OF HIM…..

pahahaha what was I thinking!! Those 1-2 hourly feeds 24 hours a day for the first 6 months of his life were saved by my I-phone! It’s amazing how many other people (mothers) are on FB at 3am! Again, it was the only thing that kept me awake sometimes, I tried reading a book but it was awkward to hold whilst feeding, my phone however was the perfect size! Looking back on that time now, I wish I used my time more productivelyly, maybe to learn something, a language/ philosophies of life? Instead I spent my time googling “5 ways to get your baby to sleep through the night” or “different consistencies of baby poo”.

I am still on my phone a lot more than I would like to be, but it’s becoming more difficult. Arlo sees it at this forbidden fruit and its his sole mission in life to get it. If I use it whilst feeding, he tries to eat it, if I use it whilst he’s playing, he attacks me. I actually feel guilty using it in front of him now. Arlo will catch my eye now when I’m on my phone, and I’m sure he gives me disapproving looks. I have moments where I’m on FB and I think “wtf am I doing stalking other people’s babies whilst mine is right here trying to interact with me” BAD MOTHER!! . But since my phone is like THE BEST TOY EVER for Arlo, I use it as my last resort to make him quiet or keep him still. Handy tool to have, especially changing nappies!!. I really hope this isn’t going to fry his brain:(
 
I’M GOING TO BE SOOOO PRODUCTIVE WITH MY MATERNITY LEAVE….

I think this was one of the biggest shocks!! I really did have visions of the baby “peacefully” sleeping in the basket whilst I made lots of lovely things for his nursery, baked (well learnt how to), wrote a book, wrote a blog (took me 8 months), knitted, caught up with friends, yoga in the living room etc.  Just do all those things you never have time to do. I never realised having a “real live baby” with you on your maternity leave means you absolutely have no time whats soever!! Sometimes I get to 4pm and I think “have I even brushed my teeth today????!!”

IMG_9003