Do you remember in the first lockdown in March 2020 (you know- the one where you hung out in the garden all day, when you were in awe of the beauty of nature and appreciated trees, when you made smoothies and did home workouts and yoga and felt all zen and stuff, when you had loads of realisations about your life, became a DIY King/ Queen, had cider and ice-cream in the garden at 2pm whilst the children played *happily with their toys, when you said with relief “well, at least it’s not in January or something, now that would be depressing”……
….and here we are.
*of course, children never just amuse themselves and play happily with their toys but the cider helps to blur your vision
The Fat Lockdown
I like to call this the “Fat Lockdown”. It’s the timing of it. As many (?????) I go less hardcore on exercise over the festive period and more hardcore on my eating. Then at the start of January (ish, give or take a few days depending on NYE), I start a fresh and get on the fitness wagon again. This January however, before I could become like this 6-packed-health-goddess, lockdown 3.0 hit. The only way I can describe it is I’m still behaving as if I’m in the festive period. I’m trying to claw my way out, but motivation is at a ZERO and there is still some Baileys in the fridge and mince pies (they were on offer) in the cupboard. I feel like I’m stuck in that confused period of time in-between Christmas and New Year when you don’t know what day it is/ what you’re supposed to be doing.
Shall we just put the decorations back up???!
I think I’m partially psychic? Or maybe just read the news (occasionally). But I felt the impending doom before NYE. I just wasn’t as excited to start the fresh “new-year, new-me” as usual. New Year’s Day started with watching the sunrise and I felt a little positive for a second and tried to ignore the sinking feeling inside me.
This lockdown is supposed to feel better as “there is a light at the end of the tunnel now” ie: the vaccination. So why does it feel like a million times worse?
I’m not sure about others, but January for me is like THE WORST month. Since I stopped doing winter seasons (January was the best snowboarding wise!), January is the slump after Christmas, the weather is grotty and there isn’t a sniff of tinsel or candy canes to jolly everything up. There isn’t so much to look forward to (Valentine’s day??). Spring is a long way away. So, lockdown on top has just magnified this.
All The Lockdowns
The first lockdown- I think the novelty saw us through, plus the weather and sun tans.
The second lockdown- for us in Devon, it really didn’t seem any different (very lucky) plus schools were open (thank god!)
The third lockdown- all the repercussions of Covid-19 are beginning to have an effect and the reality of it is dawning. Novelty has worn off and to be honest, people are just over it. I’m over it. People are down, people seem angry, people seem to be judging a bit more and turning against one another, people seem to be properly hibernating and shutting off from the world (me included). Its just feels sad everywhere? Everyone is tired and bored of the situation.
Plus, I think the first lockdown the pressure was off everything/ everyone as we thought it was only going to be a short period of time. Who knew a year later we would still be here. It’s like we aren’t allowed a “break” anymore, we just have to figure out how to get on with things and make life work. Suck it up. Learn how to do ridiculous juggling acts.
This lockdown is all about standing out in freezing cold playgrounds, doing the same daily exercise circuits that you did in the summer but in way more clothes, feeling guilty because your kid is watching too much TV because you’re working/it’s raining/ you’re unmotivated to do anything else, feeling guilty because you’re not doing inspiring lockdown projects, feeling guilty because other mums are doing way more, feeling guilty because you’re trying to work AND home-school and getting annoyed with both, feeling guilty because you are getting annoyed with your kids, feeling guilty because you’re feeling blue and others are WAY WAY worse off than you. This lockdown you’re dredging the creative tank for “activities with kids” as you exhausted ALL ideas in the first lockdown, you’re sticking your head out the window like a dog just to get some fresh air (thanks Kelly!!), you’re feeling silly about all the DIY you did in the first lockdown as now you can’t afford/ justify new toilet roll holders, you’re trying so hard to get motivated everyday when all you REALLY want to do is sit on the sofa in your PJs (not even joggers) and cry into a box of assorted biscuits (from Christmas, yep still there) whilst watching Bridget Jones Diary.
Everyone really does have their own set of challenges that this whole situation has created. Everyone has their battles. Some really awful heart wrenching ones. BUT, it’s all relevant, so don’t feel bad for feeling bad about yours! EVERYONE is struggling.
For me, the rollercoaster of emotions over the last couple weeks has been crazy, almost the worst yet?! I’m not sure about other mums (???….judging by my mummy Watsapp groups I don’t think I was alone???) but I had what can only be described as a nervous breakdown when BoJo announced that the schools wouldn’t be opening. Honestly, the last time I remember crying that much was when Bambi died. I really thought I had hung up my chalk board forever. Then I cried more because I felt guilty that I was crying about having to hang out and teach my own child??? Bad Mum. Then I cried because I was crying so much I let a little bit of wee out.
(I’ve said it once/ twice/ maybe even three times, but teachers are HEROS in my eyes!!)
Anyway, they were going to school, then they weren’t going to school, then some kids were…..then we had some big decisions here (won’t go into it all). Then in the midst of all this I also got made redundant from like THE BEST job in the world.
But it’s ok as now I can actually follow my ambition to become a Professional Chocolate Taster (in my dreams!) so silver lining! ha
So now I am trying to claw back some positives to lockdown 3.0 to keep me upbeat:
- I can’t be all depressed and sit on the sofa watching chick flicks as the boys won’t let me sit down for more than 5 mins AND they don’t like chick flicks. Thank goodness for the boys.
- Equally trying to embrace it and enjoying the excuse having to stay inside in the warm and be a bit lazy!
- Surely there will be some crazy travel boom after all this??? Now I am an experienced home schooler, I might just take the boys out of school and backpack round the world for a year. (actually, might take a tutor)
- When we come out of this it will be nearly spring!!! I’m sure one year we had a mini heat wave in February?
- This is getting the boys tougher and used to going out whatever the weather
- Getting good use out of snowboard thermals, jackets, hats etc
- In nearly a whole year I have only blow dried and straightened my hair once!
- I’ve saved lots of money on razors (winter hibernation)
- Santa jazzed up my bike with some pink handle bar grips and leopard print gloves
- Can still bike ride with my Dad/ meet my Mum for exercise, and they still have antibodies from their Covid back in March!
- No one can see how “festively plump” I have become
- I have more time to get “snowboard fit” (once out of Christmas slump obvs)
- Discovered a YouTube thing where you can put a live “fireplace” on your TV. Genius!
- I’m realising more and more that everyone is so different and sees things so differently and you really must trust your gut and do what’s right for you and your family