Now the “unlocking of lockdown” has begun (thanks Kyrie!) we should all be feeling elated? But for some reason, it feels like a massive anti- climax. Previously I had been thinking and asking people… “what’s the first thing that you are going to do when lockdown is over?”. I imagined everyone coming out into the streets and cheering, hugging each other, maybe even licking each other. There would be fireworks, maybe even a trumpet, but most definitely glow sticks. Then the next day I would eagerly hand over my kids to grandparents as we jet set off for some *wild weekend away.…But it’s not been like that at all. Its not be like a massive party with fanfares and celebrations. It’s been a very gradual, diluted affair. For me I feel like I’m slowly and very timidly dipping my toes back into reality and life again, but feeling guilty and scared by doing so?
*full night’s sleep, a tidy house and bath without toy frog going up bum.
What Are The Rules? Anyone?
I’m also feeling rather confused?! Like when you accidently try to make a phone call with your TV remote or spray air freshener in the garden? Just me? I think my confusion is partially down to not really watching the news anymore (kids next level crazy atm and can’t do anything remotely adult). Lockdown was lockdown, you stayed in, didn’t do ANYTHING. Simple. Almost easier? But now, we aren’t back to normal as we knew it, but we aren’t in full lockdown. Just in some weird world in-between universe. Its feels sort of “normal” but then not normal at all??? Maybe this is why I went out in odd flip flops the other day.
It doesn’t stick around long enough to get used to it??? For me…..husband away, me solo parenting; everyone on lockdown 24/7; me working, husband looking after kids 2 days a week (bliss); furloughed; 5 year old at school, husband back at work full time; soon me to be back at work, kids summer holiday……I used to look after both boys by myself all the time but must admit these last 3 weeks have been HARD getting used to that again!!!! Out-of-practice.
The End Of A Horror Movie?
It’s scary. When were in the midst of it, it was a novelty. Everyone was in it together. But I think now the reality of what this crazy pandemic has left us with is starting to hit. The uncertainty, the re-building, the new etiquette, the furious anti-bacing, the job losses, the one-way systems, the queuing, the deserted shops, the loss of human touch/ face to face interaction, the unruly lockdown hair. The life as we knew it has gone. Honestly, the only thing I can liken it too is some sort of film where the actors have to hide underground from some kind of apocalypse. Then once it’s over, they reimage to discover what’s left of the world. Obvs not as dramatic but I definitely have a “28 days later” feel recently.
I have not really talked about the school thing on here because I was worried of being judged. Not sure why really but maybe because I wasn’t sure myself and questioned the decision to send my 5-year-old son back to school. I must admit, when BJ first announced that reception kids could go back, my husband and I jumped off the sofa cheering and high fiving!! But then it sunk it. It wasn’t going to be the same for my son. I was so sad for him and worried if he would be ok with it. So many emotions and thoughts like most parents must have had. Won’t bore you with our reasons (could do a whole other blog post on this!) but we stuck to our original decision, we did what we felt was right for HIM. And we struck gold, honestly. And I can’t tell you what a joy it is to retire as his teacher. I once had an inkling to be a teacher. That is now gone.
Questions. So many questions.
Is this it then? The new normal? Are things ever going to be like they were before? Or is there always going to be this massive elephant in the room. Am I always going to have to queue up to get some peanut M&Ms from Tesco’s 2 meters apart?! Is anyone ever going to be able to cough in public again without getting death stares? Drink Corona beer without making a corona related joke? Walking backwards down the one-way-system in a shop to make it ok (anyone else do this?), open air hugs, workout without a child using you as a Stegasaurus, hold breath when go passed people, feel guilty for enjoying yourself, feel like it’s just going to happen again and the urge to buy that extra pack of loo roll????!!!
Was loving (and still am) appreciating the simple things in life (the sound of the birds, the greenness of the trees, the smell of the flowers etc), but It was when I said to my husband the other day with earnest in my eyes and genuine excitement in my voice “oh, I think I might be able to fit another wash load on here”, I realised I seriously needed to start getting “back out there”. I needed to get some of ME back.
Introducing Mountain Biking!
My dad (age 73) is like this crazy downhill, off-road mountain biker. Honestly, he’s gnarly. He has been trying to get me into it for years, but it really had zero appeal to me. He kept saying I would love it, it was just like snowboarding, but I couldn’t see it. But when him and my mum were both poorly with suspected Covid19, it really put things into perspective. Having not had a bike since I was maybe 10, I have really had to start at the beginning. I mean, I didn’t even know what the different gears were for or that you actually had 2x breaks! Also had to go for a specialist “undercarriage” saddle fit as clearly birthing 2 boys has broken me.
I’ve been 6 times now and I am LOVING it!!! And IT IS just like snowboarding, picking lines, carving, trying to “ollie” your bike. I look like a complete kook in my gear and my lack of skills, but I actually don’t care. Gives me that “oh my god I’m going to die” adrenaline rush I love. I’m weird. It has become a family affair now, bikes all round.
I have also spent more time drinking gin with my mum on park benches! Life’s about balance!
Quite contradictorily to my adrenaline seeking extreme sport type things, I really enjoy sewing (*cough granny). I have finally got around to semi putting into production my range of Felt Mobiles. It’s something I can do whilst watching TV/ sunbathing/ socialising. Keep trying to do it with my kids there but have 100% confirmed that this isn’t as feasible (my youngest dismantled the felt unicorn and rubbed the unicorn’s horn around his ball bag……don’t worry Millie, I made another!). Working on some more designs over the summer. Had a brainwave for the name…..Mega Felts. See what I did there?!
Life Is Going To Be Better
However, I think this whole thing could do some good changes to our world for the better? We are going to be even more super polite queuing and being very British and polite AND hopefully be healthier and get less bugs over winter as we are all going to be cleaner! I’m also going to save money on perfume as people can’t get close enough to smell it, AND I can eat garlic and onion with no concerns people also won’t be close enough to smell the effects of that. I have also learnt how to make semi edible cheese straws during this time.