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Hello Poor Neglected Blog

Oh my, I haven’t updated my blog for soooo long. Life life and more life has got in the way. I’m still planning to blog (Arlo will be starting school in September so watch this space), and have lots of ideas…….I’ve started to write about 10 different blogs then never got a chance to finish them. Seriously, I have no idea how mums work from home with children at large. Even if I “put a nice relaxing film” on, they do circuits of the living room whilst watching?!

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I have lots to tell and could go into detail about everything but I have 45 mins flat to write this so GO……

 

Potty Training

One of the last blogs I wrote was about potty training. Well I am most pleased to inform you all that Arlo, bar outside nature wees and the occasional shit in a bush-picked up with nappy bag-put in dog bin…… is potty trained. It took a good 6 months to do, was not one of these little gems that “did it in a week” type kids. Haven’t even contemplated night times yet though……

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Sleep

I literally had no idea that when you had kids that you would never ever sleep again. I thought once you got the new baby phase out of the way, it would be ok. I didn’t even contemplate that it would go on for months/ years. So yes, still not sleeping. And its still bloody hard. Sleep is everything. Plus, lack of it ages you a million years and makes your left eye twitch. But I’m so bored of even talking about it now, so let’s leave it there. Maybe ill finally get to use that milestone card “my first time sleeping through the night” in a few years. I’d take 3 hours straight right now. It’s always the nights I get cocky and stay up until 10pm that are the worst, its like Kitt knows?! However, my husband is still sleeping through the night fine.

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House

We sold our house! But house we were moving too fell through. So two weeks before xmas we were (on paper) homeless. We weren’t out on the streets though, we moved up to sunny Stoke-on-Trent to stay with the in laws. Also managed to squeeze in a week in the mountains snowboarding, which, may I add, would never have happened had we moved into our new house. Silver lining. Our new house is a new build in Budleigh Salterton, near the sea. However, we are still waiting, 6 months later. It will be worth the wait though if it comes off. IF it comes off. If not, I have no idea what/ where next. Snowboarding?!

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For now we are renting a lovely little flat in Budleigh from a friend, a friend that I owe lots of cake to! Weirdly, I actually have been feeling a lot better since we moved and not really known what we are doing?! I think I like the freedom of it? Spontaneity? Since age 18 I have always moved/ travelled somewhere every 6 months. I guess I like change! Budleigh is so lush, all the old granny’s talk to me about the weather and help me with my food shopping/ screaming kids. I actually feel quite at home here. Please cross your fingers for us!

Job

At the same time as being “homeless” I lost my job, also just before xmas. I got made redundant, yikes! I loved my job, but again the cloud with the silver lining. I had xmas off work, redundancy pay helped with xmas shopping AND I’ve landed my dream job!!! I’m working at The Board Basement in Exeter (snowboard, wakeboard, everything board- company) with the most awesome bunch of guys. My job title is vague, but I do their content writing, blogging, hopefully social media etc…….pretty much get to talk about/ write about/ dream about snowboarding all day. I can wear a beanie and Vans to work and snowboarding and wakeboarding will be part of my job…for research obvs! I also get to work with my husband for 1 day a week, which he is THRILLED about?!

The Boys

Arlo is 4 in May. He will be starting school in September. He’s full of life and energy, lots of energy. He makes me genuinely laugh on a daily basis. He non-stop talks and is very bossy, some would say “defiant”. Sometimes I actually can’t control him. If we are out in public I just pretend he’s not mine!! But on the flip side, he’s a charming little boy and very caring. Once he held Kitts hand, I cried.

 

Kitt is 19 months (I think??), happiest little boy ever. If I had had him first, I think I would have wanted 5 babies. He seems very content and genuinely loves life….and dogs. Dogs are his thing. I am aware he could “turn” at any moment, so enjoying this time before the terrible twos hits. Kitt is also very very full of energy. Especially at night.

 

Rich is ok, and now 105 years old.

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Future plans

I get so worried about jinxing things so don’t want to say too much…..

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I have my snowboard camp I’m hosting (finally as I’m not pregnant or BF…much) 31st March-7th April. The most exciting thing about this is I get to sleep for a week! Then 1 day turn around, then the Philippines for 3 weeks. My brothers is getting married there (thank you Jamie as obviously I HAVE to go!). A week at the wedding, then travelling around after. This will be our first bit of proper travelling (can you call it that with 2 kids??) since having babies, so we shall see how it goes. I’m buying them both leads and dying their hair brown. Not sure how the ginge is going to fare in the heat.

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I really want to make more of my felt mobiles and sell them in REAL LIFE, do more gymnastics and parkour (1 night a week isn’t enough!!), and give megamum.com some love, get a bikini body etc….also just be a semi ok mum and stop y children eating food off the floor??! But for now I feel like I’m on a hamster wheel of life, I’m just going to do my best for now x

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Snowboarding, A Different Persepctive

We just got back from our first family snowboard holiday as a family of 4:) I wrote a blog about how I feel about snowboarding now I’m a mum for the Ticketoridegroup website. Please click on the link under the photo……..

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Snowboarding, A Different Perspective

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10 Things NOT To Say To Your Sleep Deprived Wife

Disclaimer Part 1: My husband is AMAZING during daylight hours, he just doesn’t hear anything at night??!! (see point 9)

Disclaimer Part 2: Inspired by my husband but not all of them ARE my husband….

Disclaimer Part 3: Good job my husband never reads this blog as I may come across a little bitter?

1) “I’m tired” Number one on the list. Literally NEVER, I repeat NEVER say this to your sleep deprived wife (or make ANY noise that remotely suggest you’re tired ie: yawning, stretching, groaning)….who has been up allllll night feeding/ rocking/shushing/singing/ jiggling/ patting/ trying not to make eye contact/ stroking/ dodging squeaky floorboards/wet wiping/ burping/ white noising……whilst YOU slept through. I can guarantee that you are not even half as tired as she is. In fact, she is the most tired person in the world ever. And don’t sugar coat it by saying “ahhhh Daddys tired today”. It will make your wife want to stab you……in a non violent loving way obviously.

2) “I understand what Sleep Deprivation feels like…..that one time when I was travelling/ drunk/ on a stag do/ staying in a hotel with an uncomfortable bed/ away for work”….you definitely don’t understand what sleep deprivation feels like (unless you have been tortured whilst in prison?), SHE is the only one in the world that knows what it feels like (and other Mums of non sleepers). You understand what a few rubbish nights sleep feels like whilst you still got to sleep BY YOURSELF.

3) “I can tell your tired”……basically saying that she is not her spritely/ loving/happy self….and she is maybe a little tetchy/ grumpy/ sensitive??!! Its on the same level of saying to a girl when she’s on her period “I can tell you’re on the blob” Just don’t say it.

4) “Oh you had a lie-in this morning”….when his alarm (yes a real alarm, not a baby) wakes him up at 7, he rolls over and sees you are “still” snoozing. Problem is, she has only just got back to sleep after being up at 11/12/1/2/3/4/5/6. Glorious lie in though.

5) “It was a good night last night”……how the f*ck do you know?? In fact, it was up there with one of the worst nights ever. You were just to busy snoring (see point 6) away to notice. You didn’t even notice when your wife was angrily huffing and puffing and muttering under her breath “I’ll fu*king get up then shall I?!”.

6) “Snoring”…technically not saying anything, but still a noise coming from your mouth. If you make any kind of noise whilst you are peacefully sleeping whilst your wife again is feeding/ rocking/ shushing/ burping/ pacing/ Googling sleep aids….she will want to punch you. I’m sorry.

7) “You look tired babe”….no shit!! She hasn’t slept since YOUR children have been born. Sorry she’s not the hot pot you thought you had married. Sorry she now looks like a shrivelled up old granny prune that’s aged about 50 years. Sorry she only has make up on one eye as she didn’t have time/ remember to do the other (not that make up will help her face at the moment anyway). Sorry she has forgotten how to dress as she’s too tired to remember what people in the outside world wear. Sorry she sprayed air freshener in the garden and tried to wash the bread as she was so confused. Sorry she talks about the Unicorn she saw coming out of the wardrobe last night. Sorry she calls you by the dogs name. Yes, she’s a little tired.

8) “I don’t hear anything in the night”…..hmmmmmmm that old chestnut (but actually true, its been tested it by strategically placing a screaming baby by your head at 3am). Although, you have heard enough to be able to move the pillow over your ears??? And check your phone…..yes she saw you.

9) “Why don’t you just get an early night tonight”…….pahahahaha she already goes to bed with the baby at 7.30pm.

10) ” I don’t know what you spend the money on all those sleep aids, they don’t work”……Obviously they don’t work. But DON”T try and take these away from her. Yes she may seem a little crazy but the white noise toy/ lavender spray/ special sleeping cream/ stuff in cot that smells like her/ muslin with milk on/ lucky sleep-suit/ lucky sleeping bag are the only things of “hope” she can cling onto during those long dark lonely nights.

NB: Im working on my resentment issues.

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Just An Update!

Hello its me!! Sorry it’s been a while, I’ve been busy rescuing Sally the Spider and her brother Stan and building them a house “to keep them safe” outside so we can play with them again tomorrow (successfully avoiding toddler melt down) AND stripping off to my underwear (non-matching) to wrap my toddler and baby in my clothes after they projectile vommed in my car and I forgot to pack any spare outfits…….. but here is an update on more recent times on negotiating life with 2……

Things Become A Luxury
A friend (another wise one, I have a few) said to me on my doorstep (as I cried and blow snot bubbles on her shoulder whilst she handed me over a Sleepy Head on day 3 of newborn baby Kitt), that now I had 2 children, things become a luxury. I totally get this now. I needed to lower my expectations. Someone else said (can’t remember who??) that having one child is like having a pet (Arlo was more like an angry Parana if that counts?), but anymore is like having a zoo. No word of a lie, I have gone nearly 2 weeks recently without washing my hair. There was that much dry shampoo in it that I had actually started to go grey (trendy?) and wherever I walked a puff of cloud followed me. So yes, things like general self-care (washing, plucking, shaving, dressing, drying) actually become a thing of luxury. And a hot bath (you know the sort…on your own, actual hot water, YOUR bubble bath and no plastic green turtles called Terry getting accidentally stuck up your backside) is THE HOLY GRAIL. I had one, for 10 mins, on 7/2/2018 at 6pm.

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Time
YOU time is a thing of the past. Maybe im doing it all wrong?? But you just don’t seem to get any time to do anything??!! Like ever. How do people do it with 2 plus kids?? Hats off to you!! Must be hectic every day. I’ve not even had to deal with “the school run” and school stuff yet. Apart from the hour I spend in the gym (god bless the creche of dreams),  I ALWAYS have at least one child hanging off me. Oh actually, I went to Sainburys once by myself, was like a Spa Weekend!!
Day shift: kids (still weird saying kidS-as in I have 2!!) get up anytime from 5.30 (or has Kitt only just gone to sleep?? It’s all a blur), all day running around like a Hyena on speed making sure they are fed/watered/semi clean/ stimulated/ educated (Peppa Pig)….kept alive. Try to get them to sync their naps…….failing (again) and considering selling one of them on Ebay. Dinner, bath, bed (settle Kitt, settle Kitt settle Kitt….then so tired I go to bed)……….then the night shift begins. The long lonely shift. My aim was to be able to watch the X factor finals…..when that ship sailed at christmas time, my new aim now is to be able to come downstairs once the boys are in bed and have a Mint Areo watch Stranger Things. Always torn between having some “me” time and getting some sleep. Sleep normally wins.

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Sleep!
I am really blessed that I have 2 lovely healthy boys, but I don’t think I’m blessed with sleepers. Kitt is awful….just putting it out there, but maybe even worse than Arlo was??!! I feel like at the start people are understanding about the sleep deprivation, you have a new-born! By 7 months, people stop asking how sleep is, even though the sleep deprivation is even worse now as its accumulated over a whole 7 months. Sleep is EVERYTHING, without it, everything is pink and fluffy and there are unicorns and rainbows and sometimes dragons. Im finding it hard to function and definitely feel like a shadow of my former self with the worst/ most boring/ dribbling chat…..normally about how much sleep I had last night. I have googled “can you die from sleep deprivation”, and in fact you can’t. But some days I really feel like I might. I need to try to do something about it, but im too tired to haha!!

Kitt
So so different to Arlo, weird how they end up so different when they both came out of my fanny. He is honestly the happiest, nicest, smiliest baby ever! (not that Arlo wasnt, he was just different). Poor Arlo cried pretty much constantly for the first few months of his life. Was so unhappy and unsettled (lots of medical things) and was just angry. He was chomping at the bit for his independence (fully crawling at 6 months), didn’t like to be smothered and wanted to do his own thing. Also had the attention span of Dory the Fish. Kitt however is just happy to chill and watch the world go by, no need to “get going” when you can just sit there and smile at people for kicks. He loves a cuddle and lives in the sling. You can give him a Duplo block and it will keep him happy for hours. So it would seem that actually Kitt just doesn’t need to sleep. He has 3x 20min “power” naps a day, and normally wakes every hour at night…a good night is every 2. Once I got 3 hours. But he is happy?!

Sibling Love??
Apart from Arlo saying “Baby Tit die” (he means baby Kitt cry), Arlo hasn’t been too interested in the new edition. I think when he’s a bit more interesting and he can play it will be a different story. Occasionally Arlo will give Kitt a toy (and I feel like crying it’s so beautiful to watch), but apart from that, Kitt unfortunately is just a part of the furniture. Kitt on the other hand LOVES Arlo. He just watches him all day and smiles at him and laughs (particulate when he’s crying?? Not got emotions sussed yet). He tries to touch him and just be as close to him as possible. Even started doing this really loud seagull impression to get Arlos attention, which obviously Arlo is VERY keen on…….

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Weaning
I literally hate weaning. Just milk and boobs are so much easier. Decided to give baby led weaning a whirl this time for a change, but oh my it is MESSY. And so far I think only 2% has made it into his mouth (the dog has become rather plump??) But then apparently this is normal and just have to go with it. Also the choking and puking apparently normal too….but I freak out so much each time. The faves are cucumber, strawberries and broccoli….which to be honest if he just eats these three, it’s already more fruit/ veg than Arlo eats so thats good:) I’m also trying to wean Arlo again (he’s super fussy). Three and a half weeks ago Arlo licked a piece of broccoli. This was a real break through.

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Snowboarding
So in other news…….WE ARE GOING SNOWBOARDING (although don’t want to jinx anything….so jinx, double jinx, touch wood etc). Starting off in Tignes which is like our second home, where we met, where it all began, where love was found blah blah blah. Then over to Morzine to cat sit for a friend (the cat will not be snowboarding however, he is a skier). Literally so excited, but like I said I don’t want to jinx anything. I’m not having any expectations of how much riding we will actually get it with a red-headed toddler and milk sucking vampire baby in tow, but just to be in the mountains and in the snow will make me very very happy indeed. Im sure I will actually cry when I first see the mountains again ( I wanted to last time but Arlo got travel sick on the way up and it kinda tainted the special moment).  Hoping to get Arlo on a snowboard properly this time and not just posing on one for Instagrams. He has been “snowboarding” around the living room, tail pressing cushions and 180s (assisted) off the sofa. And he’s really got the idea that he’s going snowboarding soon (like asks me a zillion times each day if we can go snowboarding now)
Obviously Kitt will be snowboarding too, that goes without saying.

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I do have an ulterior motive however……… I want Rich (husband) to see how fun and “relaxing” it could be in the mountains as a family of 4 and realise that we need to relocate there ASAP….to follow Arlos Olympic dreams of course
The only bad thing for the trip so far is that my husband will already be out in the mountains. So this means I will have to fly out BY MYSELF with a toddler and a baby. HOLY FU**KI*G SH*T, I may not survive. It will be worth it though, and an adventure?!

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What Parents REALLY Mean

I’ve noticed now my toddler is getting older I have to be a lot more careful what I say ie: fuck, shit, bollocks. But also, a lot of white lies are spun (these are good aren’t they?) and twists of the truth are spoken to help keep their innocence/ control them/ make parenting easier. Here are some “phrases” I’ve found myself using in the last month…..

Dead fox on the road…..”Aw he’s just having a little sleep, he wanted to have lots of energy for crossing the road later”….Mr Fox will be asleep for a very very long time

Jazz things/ places/ food up by saying its SPECIAL……” ah this is a special sandwich” or “we need to go home to do some special things now” (actually nothing at all, but hopefully will entice toddler into car and he will totally forget about it by the time we get home)

“Santa wont bring you any presents”….I went through such a tough time after christmas when I couldn’t use this bribe a million times a day, I mean, what do other parents do in the “off-season”? But really, I’d been buying presents since September, I was never going to cancel christmas and not give him anything, seriously

“It tastes like Bacon”…….favourite food, so a good incentive to eat/ try things. Broccoli even tastes like Bacon, promise.

“I’m so sorry, the machines broken”…seems to be A LOT of broken machines around these days. But why do they always want to go on the yellow plastic bus ride outside Sainsburys, or get some weird wind-up toy from the slot machine in the theme park. Damn the children that then go and “manage’ to get the machine working right in front of us and spoil my master plan.

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When friends/ animals/ family have to leave our house after visiting…..”Lottie (dog) has to go home for a sleep now”….she’s a dog, she doesn’t have to go home for a nap/ dinner/ milk/ stories etc. but this seems a totally acceptable reason for ending a fun time and saves a toddler melt down

Comes home with ANOTHER beautiful drawing (smudged squiggles on a tattered piece of paper), the first few I certainly kept, but can’t keep them all, can I? …… “where’s my drawing?????”…..”Ive put it in a very special place, where I keep all the most special things” (ie: the bin)….bad Mum

“ah im sorry, all the yogurts/ chocolate/ bacon/ snacks have gone now”…….still 5 chocolate bars in the cupboard that I will sneak into the bathroom later and scoff and hope he doesn’t catch me. He’s becoming wise to my secret Mum bathroom retreat

“I’m really sorry but you cant bring that stick (stick number 5678) as you need to leave it there for the other girls and boys to play with”……we have a stick cemetery in our garden

”Magic cream” pretty much any cream ( Vasaline, nappy rash cream, Fairy Liquid?!) that makes everything better in an instance

“The Dinosaur eggs in the garden (stones) still haven’t hatched…..because they only hatch in the summer time”…….buys me a bit of time to think up new excuse as to why stones haven’t hatched beautiful spikey baby T-Rexs….

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………still waiting

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My Birth Story

Everyone has one, to be honest, this time round mine was pretty normal……almost a beautiful (pahahaha) experience??!

So let me first remind you of Birth Story Round One (Arlo)……pre eclampsia, induction 2 weeks early, couldn’t break waters (4 diff docs tried….eventually had to call doctor with very small/ agile hands), contractions for HOURS, pushing for HOURS, baby got stuck, Ventose, Forceps, baby distressed, rushed to theatre, Emergency Spinal, Episiotomy, one last go with Forceps before C-section…….luckily baby (with brute force) came out. Baby not breathing – rushed off. Haemorrhage, blood transfusion (me), baby jaundice, tongue tie, low blood sugars, problems feeding, over a week in hospital, episiotomy infection….colic, reflux, GERD…..the whole experience was traumatic and definitely put me off having anymore children EVER

However, baby number 2 got in there somehow (!!) and had to come out. Everyone reassured me that another birth couldn’t possibly be as bad as that again??!!

Actually they were right!

So it was 20/7/17, my due date. I wanted a really exciting story ie: my waters broke as I was just about to do a sky dive (pretty sure you can still do these preggers??!!), or, my waters broke when I was in Tescos and I now get free food for life……but at 2.30 pm I was sat on the sofa watching a repeat of Loose Women with my Dad (!!!) and suddenly I said “oh I think my waters have gone”. Went to check, and it was in fact my “show” (soooo gross btw). After googling “can waters trickle out rather than gush”, I established that my waters could slowly be going / or I had lost control of my bladder also. Was pretty gutted I didn’t get the big Hollywood gush (yet), but I knew instantly that things were going to happen TODAY, just had a feeling

Waters/ pee kept trickling, until 10.30pm, I was in bed not sleeping, and I felt a “pop”. I went to the bathroom and WOSH, all my waters went. Instantly I had my first contractions. And it was a big one. They then followed fast furious after that. midwives say you should chill at home first for a bit, but I kinda knew we should get going. Action stations. First things first, mascarra (you never know who you might bump into!). This was very hard to do between contractions. My Dad arrived to look after our 2-year-old, and off we set to the hospital at 11.30pm

Of course my husband would choose the way that has the most speed bumps. Who knew these could be so painful. I just remember driving past loads of Uni students spilling out of the bars, drunk and care free really making me contemplate my life choices. Once we arrived at the hospital, literally took me about 20 mins to get up to the ward, you just cannot walk whilst you are having a contraction

My husbands brilliant idea of “oh we don’t need to call the labour ward, we will just rock up”, meant they weren’t expecting us and we had to go and sit in the waiting room….for 45 mins. I was rolling around on the floor and was sick in the bin. “THIS BABY IS COMING”, I said (yelled??) to my husband and demanded (nicely?) that he had to go and get someone, else this baby was going to start its life next to the bin I was just sick in

Finally a student midwife appeared and took me to a room with a pool. She was so lovely, but couldn’t do anything for me as she wasn’t qualified. I had FULL intentions of taking all the drugs they could give me this time (no need to experience that again). I just remember calling out “help, help, somebody help me” haha. Then “please, send help”….then “please can I have an epidural….I’ve changed my mind, I want a c-section”….then “I don’t want another baby anymore”

And then the noises. I haven’t mentioned these yet. With my first son, I’m not sure how, but I was completely silent. Maybe the occasional “fuck” , but not screaming. This time, oh my, I was SOOOOO loud. But really weird noise. First of all I sounded like a cow, then that morphed into some kind of constipated donkey noise, then into a dying Dinosaur. I couldn’t believe the noises were coming out of me, but there was nothing I could do to stop them.

So far I hadn’t even had a squirt of gas and air. I was stuck in this cycle of constant contractions with no way out, no break in between them and I felt like I was out of control. I actually wanted to shoot myself at this point. Finally a midwife came (she probably heard the donkey noises??). “oh you’re 8 cms already”….no shit! Finally she hooked up the gas and air, once I could control my breathing and had something to bite/scream into I started to feel “better”

Then something really weird happened, my whole body shuddered like a wet dog shaking its fur. My body started to push the baby out all by itself, such an odd feeling. I literally didn’t have to do anything, it was doing it all by itself. The baby was coming!! Maybe it was the lack of drugs but I could feel everything, could actually feel the head moving its way down. It was then I saw the midwives exchange looks and say “lets give Katie a fresh mat”……yes, through feeling everything, I had also felt a little poop slip out. At this point though, I really didn’t care. I wouldn’t have cared if I had farted in their faces to be honest

OOooooh the ring of fire??!! Def hadn’t felt this last time as by the time it had come to this point I had already had an emergency spinal and couldn’t feel anything. oh the burn.

“The heads out” called the midwives…..”is it ginger” I asked??!! No idea why this seemed like the right question to ask at this point, but out it came. The next push/ body shudder it was out…….ITS A BOY!!!! They passed him right up onto my chest where he has stayed pretty much ever since! Freaky bit, like a little mole he kind of scrabbled his way up to my boob for milk. I latched him on and hey presto!! Literally took me 3 months to achieve boob feeding last time.

 

That moment straight after birth when your partner is SOOOO proud of you and in awe of you is the time to strike if you really want something. Bless him, my husband was totally amazed with what I had just done, I’m pretty sure he would have done anything for me…..wish I had had a list ready of things I wanted ie: new shoes, a holiday, a ginger cat etc

So quite a textbook birth really (almost makes want to have more….JOKES), don’t get me wrong, it was VERY VERY intense and crazy painful, almost more so because it was so quick. I did tear pretty bad because of this, so few stitches to glue me back up and I was right as rain again.

I never seem to have this immediate rush of love that most mothers have as soon as their baby is born, maybe I’m in shock/ weird, but the baby just seems like an alien at the start. I do bond about 10 days later, normally have “a moment” of realisation/ love and then the rest is history:)

So there you have it, welcome to the world Kitt Leo Jonas, born at 1.46am on 21/7/17, weighing 7Ibs

Pete the Placenta was born shortly after. Unfortunately my husband accidentally saw Pete, and his words were “I wont be having steak for a while babe”

 

 

 

 

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Phrases I Never Thought I’d Say….Until I Had Children

Did you ever just have a moment of realisation, and think about what you are actually saying??? Then think to yourself “wtf”?!!! Here are some of mine over the passed few weeks…….

  • No that’s not Mummies winky, those are Mummies nipples…yes 2 of them

 

  • Why don’t you give Bunny some milk, aww Bunny likes milk….why don’t you make Bunny and Teddy Dumpling (don’t ask) kiss…

 

  • How much dog poo did you eat???? (not something you ever want to ask really)

 

  • Come over here Arlo, bring both of your furry balls with you (referring to tennis balls obviously)

 

  • Arrghhh please don’t put yogurt in your ears again

 

  • My little baby, my squidgey widgey little pudding pie (actually making myself cringe…..WHATS HAPPENED TO YOU KATIE)

 

  • If you’re a good boy, you can take the watering can to bed with you (f*cking LOVES that thing)

 

  • Please stop licking the door hinges

 

  • Wowee you are SOOOOO clever, what a clever boy (clapping and cheering excessively over tiny dribble of wee in the potty….actually almost shedding a tear of joy)

 

  • Oh look, there’s a moo moo/ baa baa/ quack quack/ woof woof/ neigh neigh etc etc

 

  • No, we don’t use our toothbrush to clean our bums please (long story)

 

  • (also bum related) Please dont try and put the stick up the sheeps bottom, he wont like it

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