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Things That Are Not Ideal To Do With A Toddler AND Baby

I started writing this a while ago “Things not to do with a toddler”. But now I have a baby, there is a whole different perspective on the matter. Sometimes the logistics just don’t work?!

Get A Filling At The Dentist
Bless my Dad, he had been roped into sitting with the baby and toddler in the waiting room whilst I “nipped” into get a filling. The clock was ticking away, then a panicked text arrived from my dad saying he was caught in traffic. The dentist called me through. He took one look at me, toddler hanging off my legs, baby hanging off my boobs and said “ooh”. Yeh Ohh indeed, there was nothing I could do, they were both just going to have to come in with me. There is nothing worse than being constrained to a chair with your mouth wide open, looking at a peaceful fish painting on the ceiling, whilst hearing your toddler running riot through the dentist draws and pressing buttons on the chair (“wow mummy up”), and your baby crying frantically as you’ve taken him off the boob too soon. Then trying to “shush” and “no don’t touch that” whilst the dentist is sucking the excess spit out of your mouth. Perhaps karma for eating too much chocolate?

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Go To A Gynecoloy Appointment
Another similar medical scenario, but with a different area of the body. I wont go into details, but as the doctor is saying “the more you relax the easier it will go in”, you are trying to access snacks from your bag to stop toddler climbing onto the doctors chair and get “digger” (stethoscope), hearing the keys on the keypad type as he goes (prob accidently perscribing a 2 year old Nicotine Patches). There is nothing more disconcerting than whilst baby is crying (again) the doctor is trying to shush and sing “twinkle twinkle little star” whilst inserting a certain metal instrument into nether regions. Just altogether a weird experience.

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Loose Phone In Foam Pit
My friend and I took 3x toddler plus one baby (mine) to I-Bounce (massive trampoline place with foam pits). We thought “we’ve got this”. And we HAD got it, it was all going swimmingly. No toddlers had been catapulted, not babies had been lost in foam pit (worse than phone??) and we were all pretty stoked with our free (ish) socks. We took it in turns holding the baby (car seat). I had been taking lots of photos (for my Instagram Stories obvs.) and then suddenly realised that my phone wasn’t in my pocket anymore (big gaping open pocket of hoody), it was in fact somewhere in the foam pit. It came down to a choice, concentrate on finding my phone…..or keep track of toddlers/ baby….luckily due to some strapping toddler fathers, we managed to do it all. Everyone pitched in and it wasn’t long before it was made into a fun game for the toddlers/ parents involved. Thank god to a pink glittery phone case, the phone was retrieved from the dark depths of despair and peace was restored. I did feel like a complete DICK, I mean, who takes a phone in a into a foam pit??!

Soft Play
Joyous places. My toddler is at the age/ the type that he wants to go into the soft plays but he wants me to go int with him. Fine if there are others there to hold the baby. A juggle if not. Usually ends up with me carting the baby round with me, taking it in turns to lift toddler/ baby up and through the tower of mesh netting, then crawl through tiny tunnel hooshing baby along on his back, then along wobbly beam holding toddlers hand/ baby clasped awkwardly into boobs, navigating ball pit in similar fashion, finishing up with both of them sitting on my lap to go down the wiggly slide that launches you off into the air (due to weight?!). Next time I’m wearing my gym gear.

Changing Synchronised Poos When You Only Have The Sling
The baby carrier is amazing, I’ve used it so much, way more than the pushchair this time. Leaves your hands free to (control) toddler. But there are certain situations where it just doesn’t work. One of these times I’ve found is if you are out and about and BOTH toddler and baby have pooped. Who do you do first? I’ve tried changing the toddler with the baby in the sling, but just can’t seem to get the right angles and ended up with the toddlers poo covered winky (gets everywhere) smearing a brown patch onto the babies back in the sling. So change the baby first, he comes out of the sling, then where do you put him whilst you change the toddler? Balance on the changing table at same time as toddler change? Do toddler standing up whilst balance baby on changing table (poos are hard do standing up!). I normally end up making a little make shift “cave” on (skanky) toilet floor out of empty sling and backpack to prop the baby up whilst I attend to toddler. Harder now he wriggles more (see photo, not on toilet floor but a reconstruction of events).

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Wearing Your Baby…….The Backpack!!!!!

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So you might have seen in my million Instagram’s (I’m really sorry about all of them) that we often use a baby backpack to get around. This not only gives Arlo his own little mode of transport (he thinks he’s in a Convertible up there), but it opens up the places you can go walking that aren’t good for prams. I wanted to be able to take Arlo on the sand/ rocks/ snow…..skateboards/ snowboards??!! EVERYWHERE!!

https://megamum.com/2016/03/09/skating-with-a-baby-level-2-very-dangerous/

Why not a sling or normal baby carrier I hear you say? Have you ever tried to carry several bowling balls on your front?? or an over excited Hyena?? Our few walks with Arlo in the sling were similar to a vigorous Army Weight Training Program.

Before Arlo was born I had a sling (ok, 3 slings), beautiful laid out, ready to use for our baby. I loved the idea of wearing my baby, having my hands free, just looking down and seeing him all nestled in my boobs!! ” They liked to be cocooned” they said, “swaddled and close to their mummy, they like to feel secure”…….oh no, not this baby. Even from the first night in hospital (when I’m sure they aren’t really supposed to do anything?), I kept wrapping him up in the blanket, but he would somehow find a way to wriggle out of it.

The older he got, the more he thrashed, and my outings in the sling would be greeted by high pitched screams and attempts at suicide by Arlo trying to dive bomb backwards out of the sling. He did not like to be contained. I got fed up of people passing me on the street and saying “oh, someones not happy??”….. And the screams are REALLY loud when the baby is attached to you!

He would eventually cry himself to sleep bless him, but it was a traumatic experience for both mother and baby!!!

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Once I tried to wrap him up in one of those material slings, but he was so wriggly it was near enough impossible. His head ended up under my armpit, his leg in my cleavage and his arm near my nose??

The only way he liked the baby carriers is if he could face outwards, I guess he felt more free that way. Curious Arlo could observe what was going on. But we got to the stage where he was so long that his legs were dangling down by my knees and not only did I look ridiculous (umpa lump) but I was finding it hard to walk. I thought people were looking at me because he was such a cute baby, but when I looked back at pics I realised these looks had been of shock/ horror because Arlo was nearly the same size as me. I decided I had lost the spring in my step and something had to be done.

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So here comes in the baby back pack!!! Life saver!! The inspiration was actually from my Dad, he used to use a baby backpack/ or just a regular backpack (!!!) to carry me around in the olden days! I think I was a similar baby to Arlo and very wriggly.

Today we use the Littlelife Adventurer Child Carrier. It says you can use it until the child is 3, but I feel Arlo will be taller than me by then so our window might be smaller? Maybe we could take it in turns to carry each other??!

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It’s great, it distributes the weight to your hips so its easier to carry a heavy baby. It has adjustable straps for when they grow, and even has a secret pocket to put all your baby bits in (I didn’t actually find this until last week) so you don’t have to carry yet ANOTHER baby bag! It also has a pull out stand so “technically” you can just stand the baby up on the ground to just chill. Maybe pop him next to the table with you? But if you are in possession of a wriggler, this is not a good idea, they WILL capsize!

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The baby has a good view point up there, I swear Arlo thinks he’s on neighbourhood watch or something. But this does distract him from trying the escape. Unfortunately the baby is now at the perfect height for vomiting on your head (is this good luck? or is that bird poo?). And of course you now have the issue of hair pulling. We found putting some little mittens on Arlo (even in the summer?) prevents bald patches.

Now he can kick his legs and fling his arms around to his hearts content. He just so free up there!!!!! However it’s difficult to keep a tab on his activities because he’s on your back. So I recommend taking a friend with you, or a mirror so you can have a look at him. Or use the selfie mode on your phone…..which means you get some good photos too!!

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I also thought there was nooooo chance he would sleep in the backpack. But he has actually been caught red handed grabbing 40 winks!! Miracles do happen!

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The baby backpack really does give you the freedom to go anywhere…….although I must admit you do look a bit silly doing the Tesco food shop or the housework. And its actually a great workout, feels like you’ve done 100 squats in the gym after carrying a large baby for 30 mins! Arlos new favourite game is to hit who ever is carrying him on the shoulder (does he think he is on a horse now??). So it’s basically like having a personal trainer on your back telling you to go faster!